Indulging Your Partner, Indulging Yourself

I've been in dysfunctional relationships where you scream and fight and then have wild passionate make up sex, where the power goes back and forth, and its fun for a little while... But that's not sustainable, its exhausting, and to be honest, you're both missing out.

In my experience, the best sexual relationships come from the best relationships. And the best relationships have solid foundations, a proper courtship, a clean slate, honesty, and openness. The best relationships are the ones where you develop respect for each other, and you are a team, a partnership. 

For the guys out there who want a better sex life, the first piece of advice I would give you is to be comfortable and confident with your sexuality. Let yourself be sexual, and be comfortable with that feeling. You can be sexual, without being a perv. 

A woman needs to feel comfortable with her man to open up to him sexually. This is true gentleman. 

Allow her to feel comfortable with her own desires, ask her what she likes, and talk about it. Engage her about her fantasies, and let her know that it turns you on when she opens up to you, let her know that she can feel safe to open up to you sexually, and that what happens between you two, will stay between you two.

Protect your relationship from outsiders. Nosy, and insecure friends and family members can sneak in and ruin the magic of a beautiful relationship. Sometimes people are unhappy with their own lives, and might ask questions about your relationship - and they might seem to be concerned, and care for you - but their motives are unpure, let them in as much as you feel comfortable, but keep your guard up...  Understand that outside forces can put distance between you and your partner. 

A beautiful relationship requires regular maintenance. You expect your car to run perfectly for 100,000 miles without ever changing the oil? Nope! Relationships are no different. Keep your issues and your frustrations near the surface, don't bury them deep down, then tell your partner what your concerns are in a gentle way, and do it on a regular basis. Talk about them, and then make little adjustments here and there.

Listen to each other with care, and then think about what they said, and how they may feel. Put yourself in their shoes.

Remember what I said about being a team with your lover, and having a partnership. This is important. The attitude should be about giving your best self to each other, and giving your best effort for each other as well.

The relationship needs to come first. When you argue with your partner, it shouldn't be about who won the fight, it shouldn't be if I won or lost, or if she won or lost.... No. It should be about whether the relationship won, or lost. 

Indulge your partner, help them feel comfortable, and then teach them to ask for what they want, then learn how to give it to them. And do it in an unselfish way. Do it with love.

When you work on these issues, your relationship will build, and your sexual relationship will follow suit.

This post might seem a little like a rambling.. but there are good nuggets in this post.